I have changed, no fulfillment here. - journal of Merlyn
Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2023 3:29 am
I'm sorry if gonna start an online journal here. It's time to share my knowledge, experience and perhaps entertaining life experiences or whatever.
So it's Friday the 13tn. Perfect. The day of Venus and number 13 is a sacred number of the 13th sign Ophiphicus.
The constellation, which represents a serpent-bearer, falls between the late degrees of fixed water sign Scorpio and the earlier degrees of mutable fire sign Sagittarius. And in Greek mythology, Ophiuchus represents the god of medicine, Asclepius, son of the god Apollo, who was known to have great healing powers and intellectual strength.
we return to the true astronomical roots of the signs of the zodiac, we will see that there are 13 signs, not 12 as the modern horoscope tells us. Reclaiming the forgotten Ophiuchus invites each of us to discover our correct astrological sign and contemplate the spectacular zodiacal constellations that dominate the nights at this time of year.
More:
https://www.mercurialpathways.com/post/ ... generation
Ignore the Jewish, Christian mention in this webpage.
So for years I've struggled with finding my identity and unfortunately I struggled because I felt like a nobody I'm at a point now that I'm in a transition period. I'm not motivated by money, women or dating anymore, I'm not motivated for my body to look a certain way like obsessed with my weight or unable to walk like I use to. I struggled because of course I'm a transgendered man. THAT will never change.
So I first started out as Wiccans, then to pagan while I still came from a Christian background. What lead me away from Christianity? In my young mind being a trans man and attracted to women only, I will never forget those teachers teaching young kids that we would be judged, sinful, that I was rejected. That was the very first experience of rejection of my soul I ever felt. Basically it was an attack to turn me against myself....
I cried in alone in my room as a teen. I wasn't abused at home or anything. My parents knew I was a bit different. Thankfully I grew in a loving home even though they identified as Christian. I turned to Witchcraft/Wicca I was taught they believed in God but was missing the female aspect the Goddess etc. And weren't anti-christian. Well I was trying to find recovery for my soul. That was soul loss for me.
So as I finally start approaching my adult years and still Christian programmed wiccan. I got so depressed and lonely I wanted a girlfriend so bad. I've experienced loneliness and I turned to Satan via Satanic Bible my world began to open up to vast variety of paths, religions and spiritual practices. After my first suicide attempt at 19 years old after a heart wrenching experience with a girl who basically was just using me, or whatever. I ended up in mental hospital for a week after I attempted suicide over her. I swore to never let anyone take my self worth or power like that. I experienced Kabalah, Buddhist etc I came across Joy of Satan in 1998
I felt like I had answers I felt like there was more to Satan. I have had spiritual experiences. My very first experience with a Daemon was with Enki (as Satan at the time) called me Marduk in my dreams. I heard about soul splitting I wasn't sure if that was true for me. I recognized him as the god Amon or Amon Ra.
Days later I was on JoS I talked to Salem Burke. He was gifted! In the beginning he was. I remember discussing with him a magical name I should have. I never told him anything about my dream. He says Marduk. I was SHOCKED. I read everything about Marduk symbol was a lion. My imaginary friend growing up was a male lion named Simba . Colors red and gold. I too loved those colors and was associated with the Taurus my sun sign.
After my experience it kick started me on a path that I'm on now. I explored so many avenues of spirituality and had experiences. Chaos Magick, Lovecraft, Ceremonial and Egyptian magic, shamanism, vampire Magick, werewolves, Norse and Celtic paganism and magic. Santeria, voodoo kabalah, gnosticism, ONA, demonolatry etc.
Different religions.
Now today. I have no "religion", I'm 39 years old. I come to an conclusion, understanding I went through all these things I listed only to find I the end I was in search for something to guide me to finding an identity. In the past I had unrealistic expectations and desires that were fantasy. I use to be obsessed with love spells and have manipulated.
I've also chased the dollar, and have drank and smoke which I don't do anymore. I lost my sister in 2020 and I almost died in 2021. I had an NDE/OBE ... I experienced divine love for sure.
All these things were just to fill an empty void. In truth when you sit quiet with yourself and recognize the power in stillness.
I don't engage in petty arguments or debates, what's the point of doing that? Especially online? It's just a way to fill the void, get a big ole ego boost. Same applied to people in woke movement, BLM, racism, politics, just turn in the TV or read something on the Internet.
At the end of the day the internet is a algorithm set up and your devices connect and data is being collected and when. You look at something frequently online you noticed shows, news etc geared to what you were researching showing up on your TV. Believe it or not. It's a real thing. So that's why I stopped engaging in a lot of BS that goes on online. There's no fulfillment in it. So trying to argue with me or stir the pot isn't going to work.
I find value in FREEDOM OF SPEECH that comes with responsibility and consequences. So here I share knowledge, experiences and more and I do so freely because knowledge is withheld from people all too often. I figure the more people become knowledgeable the greater we could achieve a better society if there is ethics and morals involved.
However as old things, old habits, and patterns die. I'm finding movitation to something new, meaningful, and expansion is occuring.
Anyway. This is 1/13/2023
So it's Friday the 13tn. Perfect. The day of Venus and number 13 is a sacred number of the 13th sign Ophiphicus.
The constellation, which represents a serpent-bearer, falls between the late degrees of fixed water sign Scorpio and the earlier degrees of mutable fire sign Sagittarius. And in Greek mythology, Ophiuchus represents the god of medicine, Asclepius, son of the god Apollo, who was known to have great healing powers and intellectual strength.
we return to the true astronomical roots of the signs of the zodiac, we will see that there are 13 signs, not 12 as the modern horoscope tells us. Reclaiming the forgotten Ophiuchus invites each of us to discover our correct astrological sign and contemplate the spectacular zodiacal constellations that dominate the nights at this time of year.
More:
https://www.mercurialpathways.com/post/ ... generation
Ignore the Jewish, Christian mention in this webpage.
So for years I've struggled with finding my identity and unfortunately I struggled because I felt like a nobody I'm at a point now that I'm in a transition period. I'm not motivated by money, women or dating anymore, I'm not motivated for my body to look a certain way like obsessed with my weight or unable to walk like I use to. I struggled because of course I'm a transgendered man. THAT will never change.
So I first started out as Wiccans, then to pagan while I still came from a Christian background. What lead me away from Christianity? In my young mind being a trans man and attracted to women only, I will never forget those teachers teaching young kids that we would be judged, sinful, that I was rejected. That was the very first experience of rejection of my soul I ever felt. Basically it was an attack to turn me against myself....
I cried in alone in my room as a teen. I wasn't abused at home or anything. My parents knew I was a bit different. Thankfully I grew in a loving home even though they identified as Christian. I turned to Witchcraft/Wicca I was taught they believed in God but was missing the female aspect the Goddess etc. And weren't anti-christian. Well I was trying to find recovery for my soul. That was soul loss for me.
So as I finally start approaching my adult years and still Christian programmed wiccan. I got so depressed and lonely I wanted a girlfriend so bad. I've experienced loneliness and I turned to Satan via Satanic Bible my world began to open up to vast variety of paths, religions and spiritual practices. After my first suicide attempt at 19 years old after a heart wrenching experience with a girl who basically was just using me, or whatever. I ended up in mental hospital for a week after I attempted suicide over her. I swore to never let anyone take my self worth or power like that. I experienced Kabalah, Buddhist etc I came across Joy of Satan in 1998
I felt like I had answers I felt like there was more to Satan. I have had spiritual experiences. My very first experience with a Daemon was with Enki (as Satan at the time) called me Marduk in my dreams. I heard about soul splitting I wasn't sure if that was true for me. I recognized him as the god Amon or Amon Ra.
Days later I was on JoS I talked to Salem Burke. He was gifted! In the beginning he was. I remember discussing with him a magical name I should have. I never told him anything about my dream. He says Marduk. I was SHOCKED. I read everything about Marduk symbol was a lion. My imaginary friend growing up was a male lion named Simba . Colors red and gold. I too loved those colors and was associated with the Taurus my sun sign.
After my experience it kick started me on a path that I'm on now. I explored so many avenues of spirituality and had experiences. Chaos Magick, Lovecraft, Ceremonial and Egyptian magic, shamanism, vampire Magick, werewolves, Norse and Celtic paganism and magic. Santeria, voodoo kabalah, gnosticism, ONA, demonolatry etc.
Different religions.
Now today. I have no "religion", I'm 39 years old. I come to an conclusion, understanding I went through all these things I listed only to find I the end I was in search for something to guide me to finding an identity. In the past I had unrealistic expectations and desires that were fantasy. I use to be obsessed with love spells and have manipulated.
I've also chased the dollar, and have drank and smoke which I don't do anymore. I lost my sister in 2020 and I almost died in 2021. I had an NDE/OBE ... I experienced divine love for sure.
All these things were just to fill an empty void. In truth when you sit quiet with yourself and recognize the power in stillness.
I don't engage in petty arguments or debates, what's the point of doing that? Especially online? It's just a way to fill the void, get a big ole ego boost. Same applied to people in woke movement, BLM, racism, politics, just turn in the TV or read something on the Internet.
At the end of the day the internet is a algorithm set up and your devices connect and data is being collected and when. You look at something frequently online you noticed shows, news etc geared to what you were researching showing up on your TV. Believe it or not. It's a real thing. So that's why I stopped engaging in a lot of BS that goes on online. There's no fulfillment in it. So trying to argue with me or stir the pot isn't going to work.
I find value in FREEDOM OF SPEECH that comes with responsibility and consequences. So here I share knowledge, experiences and more and I do so freely because knowledge is withheld from people all too often. I figure the more people become knowledgeable the greater we could achieve a better society if there is ethics and morals involved.
However as old things, old habits, and patterns die. I'm finding movitation to something new, meaningful, and expansion is occuring.
Anyway. This is 1/13/2023